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Tuesday, January 07, 2003 everyone keeps assuming that last entry was about them and it wasnt anyone specific. i mean yeah certain things triggered it but it was just an overwhelming of people, events and feelings that made me just go off. seems lately all i do is keep things inside and than when i hit that bursting point i explode. it takes so much out of me that i dont know what to do. so much shit is going on in my life that i feel like im drowning in it. i have some great friends who keep me looking up and trying to help out and without them this would all be so much worse. i wish i could explain this desperation i have inside me. not for someone..but something that i lost. ever feel a connection with someone and you just dont know how to explain it? its just there and it feels right? i lost that with this person...and it hurts. i want to reach out and try to fix it again..but after being slapped down once or twice i dont know that i can. i miss talking to him...laughing with him...just being able to smile with him. blah. i know this all sounds incredibly stupid and lame and for once i dont have any words...no poem to explain it. i wish i could wave a wand and it be done. things would be better if this was fixed....it just would. i think the worst is just feeling so hopeless. lilwolf 12:18 AM 
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