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Tuesday, December 10, 2002 so much is raging inside me...its like this violent storm and i cant hold on to any control. i write and write and everything spills out but i never feel empty, it doesnt make any sense to me. i want that..i want to feel that emptiness..that sting and the hollowness of it. i want to be rid of all these emotions that are warring in my head. anything is better than feeling like this...feeling so much...and not being able to do anything. to be tossed aside, to accept, to stay silent, to be broken, to cast the blame. feeling this, hearing this in my head, it wont stop, its like a madness. it makes me want to scream. im trying hard to look within myself for something to hold on to, to grasp at some control. but everything i rebuilt, i felt, i thought....seems destroyed by his words. i fell for it all...again...how stupid. now im worse than before.... i've lost hope. lilwolf 11:27 PM 
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