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Saturday, November 03, 2001 so i spent the better part of yesterday and today thinking. not sure if it got anywhere but i realized a lot of things that i was honestly suppressing. ill be taking the steps in the next few days to try to fix what i can, and forget those that are not. some realizations that ive come to after thinking these last few days: i've realized that people will be mean and hurtful, not because they can because thats what they are. some people in this world are just like that, in order for them to feel better and move up they have to bring people down. im not like that...nor do i ever want to be like that. so as often as i feel like i want to stick up and defend myself i wont, i wont put myself at their level, i wont become what they are. those who are assuming that im still speaking of you..get over it. i dont want to sit here day after day guarding what i say on my own blog. im sick of it and im done with it. you want to take yer petty shots at me, go for it but know i wont ever be sorry for what i did, so if thats what yer after...dont hold your breath. ive been done with this for awhile now, im not sitting around moping and crying so you live your life and ill live mine. i mean, you got what you want dont you?? you should have nothing to worry about now...right? cowardly people. argh i hate them. ive realized people who cant stick up for their own feelings and face up to them drive me MAD!! which ties in lack of respect for people..and friendships....oh man i could go on about this forever but ill just leave it at they drive me nuts. people...grow some balls...then USE THEM!!! rrr i've also realized that i have a huge circle of friends that mean more to me than anything. it's nice to know that when something happens and you get down that this network of friends is right behind you to lean you up and pat yer back. i cant tell you how much it means to me. i wish i could give each of you something that would show at least half as much of what i truly feel for you guys...but i guess certain things are just known and dont have to be showed. beth, justin, steph, shannon, chris, sean, seema, trissy, lorne, jayson, tracy, susan, corey, nikia, katie and the rest of my bam family: thank you for being more than just friends...but a second family. i realized just how much you guys mean to me...and i hope im half as good as friend to all of you as you are to me. *super big mushy hugs* and last but not least....a personal note to someone, and you know who you are. its almost november 7th, trust me i remember the date. i know you read this, cause it plays right into your games...i know how you work..how you think..and yer loving this. i realize that you're thrilled knowing the fact that as nov 7th comes closer the more scared i get. do you honestly think i dont know how you lurk around..waiting to strike?? im expecting it...i know you'll hit...and i know you'll enjoy every second of it. there isnt anything i can do to stop it...but just remember im not stupid..and i wont let you win. bastard... lilwolf 3:26 PM 
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