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Tuesday, August 14, 2001 things at work aren't getting much better so im saying that my days there are pretty numbered. i spent about two hours this weekend trying to find another job online and i got one response back yesterday so hopefully they will hire me. anything is better than what im doing now. just added stress that i really dont want any longer...i hate having to worry about money in the first place. i just feel terrible. i dont know what im going to do and its just driving me nuts. i go to bed and i toss and turn worrying about everything and i end up getting an hours sleep because of it. i wish i could just win the lottery..that would solve all my problems. well most of them. the ones that deal with the heart and feelings are ones that money can fix. i worked one out this morning...turned out to be a lot of misunderstandings tied together..and us being too cowardly to do anything. hopefully things in that department will be better. that has been really bugging me so maybe things will start looking up from now. *shrugs* we'll have to see if i can fix all the other problems first. I defintely dont regret going to italy..it was one of the best trips of my life. i made some connections there that i wont ever forget...i just wish my going didnt change so many things here. or at least i wish it didnt feel like my going changed so many things. i know im different since i got back...i had to be..there was no way to go through all i went through there and not feel any different..how i control it i guess is what i should be working on. i miss my family..i miss having them around me...i miss my cousin antonio...i miss joking around with him and just goofing off. I havent heard from him in awhile and i guess thats been bugging me too..im not sure if i should be worried or upset with him for not emailing me. *sighs* i guess thats been adding to feeling lonely lately...and missing jeremy hasnt helped either. i hope i just have to adjust and things will be back to normal soon...i hope. aside from all that..nothing major going on. i have the apt to myself and its odd..too quiet too soon. im trying to get my room to look comfy and liveable so that i have minimum change but its not working thanx to no money. im doing the best i can though and ended up rearranging my room today...by tonight my room should at least look half lived in. speaking of quiet..this math emporium is nuts...all you hear is the humming of all the computers and a phone ringing every once and awhile in the distance...its making me want to pull my hair out. hopefully my computer will get here soon so i dont have to keep coming here to just check my email. lets all pray that by tomorrow i will have my new computer to play with!! i guess i should go to kroger now..kitty needs food...funny how i have barely enough money to feed myself but kitty gets whatever she wants! hehehe..damn cat...makes me wish i could be one too. sleeps all day...gets tons of love...and food whenever she's hungry. what else could you want?? 8 more days till i get my bullfrog back! yay..i cant wait..i miss him!!! *sighs* i seriously hope that after all this falling...i land on a pillow. lilwolf 3:20 PM 
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