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Thursday, April 19, 2001 ok so its 2:30am and im exhausted again......and i promised a blog entry but.....not the one i was going to write. since i've been thinking about this a lot lately i might as well get it off my chest. steph and i have been reminiscing a lot lately about the summer we had here in 99. we talked about it for so long tuesday night that it really got me down thinking of it so much. things from that summer are so different now, i dont know if it was just a natural progression or people just changing completely. both steph and i agreed that it was the best summer ever, and i had made some amazing friends. that summer itself started off so terribly with lorne and i breaking up...but after i met stephy things all changed. i mean after that first day in the pool, i walked away with a new set of friends who changed who i was and completely cheered me up and made me feel good again. that summer stephy, joel, tim and i were a unit and it was great. i had this amazing group of friends that i loved hanging out with, people i could talk to, always a shoulder to cry on, and someone was always around to cheer you up. i thought we were a group of friends that would stick together for life......i was so wrong....god how did it get to the point it is now??? it was really nice knowing steph felt the same way when we talked about this the other night, knowing she felt as hurt as i did. i mean when yer with people everyday for several months you cant help get strong feelings for each other, to have a bond grow that is rare and amazing. and to realize later that it meant nothing to the other people hurts a lot. what is even worse is when you let others get in the way of that.......i dont know how many guys i know lately that because of their girlfriends i cant hang out with them. what kind of shit is that?? if yer friends with someone.....yer friends, no questions....no tricks....no lies......no strings. you just are. friendships are simple.....they're not meant to be complicated, thats what relationships are for.....and when all those things above are thrown into it......i just dont understand it. i cant even put into words how worthless it makes you feel when you're in that kind of situation......to make plans with someone but because their gf finds out.......you have to cancel them......that even talking to them could get them in trouble!! ugh, how annoying!!! I'M JUST A FRIEND--THATS IT!!! get over it. god...i dont set out plotting how to steal yer damn boyfriends, if i wanted a boyfriend I would have one. and getting in trouble for what i write in my blog, thats just lame, i didn't even know you read this!! for someone who hates me, why do you keep tabs on me?? do you honestly think i dont have anything better to do in my life than to sit here and plot against you?? i dont often blog towards a certain person but i honestly cant help this, its just annoying me. and for him......if we meant anything to you at all stand up for us, we were your closest friends once..you were here all the time.....we meant something to you then, or was it all lies and a show?? i'd hate to think that, if we weren't....then why not stick up for your friends now??? i mean no matter what i've always been here......so has steph......and where does that get us??? we're not asking for anything other than our friendship back.....i honestly dont think thats too much to ask for, then again maybe you do. you had such a free mind then....so strong willed......god...what happened?? *sighs* we just miss you.. lilwolf 2:49 AM 
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