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Tuesday, January 09, 2001 yay to blogger and their new server!! woohoo!!! since this is being posted on tuesdays space......nothing really happened yesterday....i just sat around and was lazy all day. Good day for it....it was rainy. Sandro, mom and I ended up talking about college...some issues came out and we talked them out. Felt pretty good to let her know that I was confused in what I wanted to do....that im still so unsure of myself....and that I might need extra time...she seemed ok with it...she understood that i have to be happy. *sighs* i wish it was that easy to talk to my father and let him know...ugh im hating the day when i have to sit down with him and talk. oh well...ill burn that bridge when i get there..... other than that pretty calm day...thought a lot...have a lot to think about....trying to change lots of things in my life and trying to figure out where to start is hard. I quit smoking....its hard....harder than I thought....you think yer not addicted....but once you quit...gawd you crave one something fierce...so im stocked up with tons of hard candy to suck on...and gum to chew...so far so good. I have a lot of close friends helping me out so this time it should work. Next step is school and my future....what i want to do.....i'll figure it out than make a plan and stick to it....aim high and achieve it. The pride i used to feel about what I did and accomplish...i want to feel again...and i will. As for work.....that will be straighten out within the week im sure...if things dont change then i'll quit. I dont wanna work for something I dont believe in...or something that makes me feel dishonest....so we'll see. As for myself.....the biggest change of all.....its under works....and hopefully i'll hit the goal and i'll be at a point in my life where i can look at myself and be happy.....and not hate myself. sounds like a lot huh? i guess it is....but when you hit bottom...theres no where to go but up. I'll work myself up there....inch by inch, day by day..........its a promise i made to myself and i intend to keep it. *sighs* wish me luck....i'll need it. lilwolf 1:13 AM 
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